editz 5: I changed up my xanga a little bit.

does everybody like the song?? haha just wondering! It's sad and stuff but my mom loves it. don't let it get you down, just think positively while listening.

I'll post the lyrics in a min.

I didn't sleep last night...watched CSPAN for a while...twas a tad boring but I'll live. Went up to my room again at 6:30 and started 3rd AP Env book of part II summer work. Yummy 

editz 4: O My God....O My God.... Do you wanna know why I'm saying that?! I will tell you some of the details now but if you want to know the full reason I'm saying O My God, then call me or email me...whichever you prefer.

So today was the first day I went pool hopping..hmmm. Perfect because no one is ever home next door so they can't catch you and they have this gorgeous, heated, chlorine-filled pool. Buuuuut, they live in England and they have the house next door to us and they NEVER come back. SoOo..I go over there...yes, by myself...I just wanted to see if it was safe so that I don't get anyone else in trouble. Well...for the most part it was safe. Except when... if you wanna know, call me, write me, email me, or you can leave me a comment.

Anyways...this is an email question thingy that I filled out:

 

editz 3: Just finished some more of my AP work...yummz. Omg, it's so L-O-N-G...I did this one very quickly tonight...just for my favorite Katester

Steph helped me out with the second one...very fun...yummay.

editz 2: 

I wonder how Katester is doing..Imma call her and see. I hope her tests for the cancer went okay and that she is fine. I'm so nervous!

the books I'm reading for AP Env. Haha fun, fun.

  

editz 1: this was fun and short to make-

 

This is probably going to be long. Might even be very long.

There are definitely some issues that I have to address.

First is KT. I can't believe all that is happening to her right now, it makes me so sad. I had a dream about something like this earlier on in the week. I dreamt of how terrible it would be to be young and find out that there was a chance you could never have kids. I don't even know how I'd go about dealing with that with so little to comfort me. At this age, that issue is not something you want to think about. There is so much in life to discover at this age, so much to love, so much to appreciate, so much to wonder about.

I'm not sure if what happened to KT had an impact on anyone else as it did on me, but this is what I know: when someone you care so much about is being burdened by issues that should be out of their comprehension, you would do anything ((including raise money for the surgery or learn how to perform it)) just to make that go away.  

I know it's a little strange to be this because I think she is going to be fine ((I really, really hope so)) but she is such a wonderful person and she's so empathetic. I can't even tell you how many times she has listened to my petty problems and tried to help me out with things that were/are really troubling me ((i.e. I'm always getting worried about tests and she's always encouraging me and telling me I will be fine)). She knows more about me than my family. I just feel so stupid talking to her about issues that aren't even all that big in comparison and she has to deal with this with so little help and comfort. There's just nothing I can say that will do anything to help the situation, all I can do is listen. I can't fix a  hemorrhaging cyst; it is definitely something I can't make go away and right now, that's all I want to do. I really want her to know that I'll be here for her no matter what happens and that if there is anything I can do to help her or take the edge off of her pain, I will do it to any length it takes.

***KT- after you told me what happened at the gynocologist, I just sat down and cried for a while. You are so strong, I'm so amazed that you deal with half the things you do. Now this has happened. You're only 16 years old...I just don't understand how someone like you can have that happen to them. You don't deserve it. You really don't

Kristin--I really hope all is well with you too. I'm so sorry you were in the E.R...was it food poisoning?! That is ironic that 110 people in a Medical Conference were hospitalized!! Tell me more about what happened.

That was just something that I wanted to share because when I was reading about it, I just stopped breathing. I usually stop breathing when I get a stress attack...those were the times when stress has brought me to the hospital. It looks like I might be visiting the ER a few times this year, haha. You know what I mean? Ahhh I dunno if I can take all the pressure. I know that I must do well with everything or be really upset with myself.

-->Just need some space to remind myself that I can succeed when I push myself really hard.

I'm trying a new thing; it's called a positive attitude, but sort of works. Let me tell you. It works most of the time, but I just have this expectation of myself to not make one mistake. I think most people don't understand that. I have turned tennis, violin, voice, and academics into a personal game, in which I get extremely frustrated with myself. I fight myself and that's sort of weird. I guess it is a good thing to do because it means that you will constantly try to improve and that's all I want to do. I want to be the best I can possibly be. Most importantly, I want to exceed the expectation that I won't make any mistakes by fine tuning the parts of my game/playing/study habits/singing/exercising that are already at ((what I consider)) their peaks. For example, my freshman year auditioning for All South, I came in with an attitude that helped me perform at my best. I told myself that I was going to go for perfect on at least my scales because I knew I could do it ((I had done it before)).  I got dangerously close; I got straight 9's ((out of 10's)) on my scales. The reason I missed the ten was because I started to play separate bow strokes when they asked for 4 slurred and I started all of them over.

^ You really didn't need to read all of that, but I brought it up because tennis preseason starts next Wedsnesday the 18th and there is a lot of pressure to out play myself. I want to push myself to limits I never thought were possible to reach. I want to be proud of saying that I invested everything I had in those challenge matches. That's what I did last year. I threw myself out there into competition I didn't think I would ever see. What usually defeats me in a tournament is my mental game. I can get down on myself if I lose just one point. I did notice, however, that if I reassure myself that I have what it takes to pull it off, I usually win the point. Tennis is 1/2 mental...I really need that 1/2.

On to issue number two that has me concerned. Some of my closest friends are going off to college and here I am, unable to do anything about it. Even James is leaving. He's going to Michigan to study year-round at Interlochen ((a place I was accepted to go to, but denied because I couldn't stand saying goodbye to everyone before I left for college)), right now I just don't want to imagine these people disappearing out of my life just like my father did. I know that it's not the same thing--my father stays out of my life because he wants to. Nonetheless it's painful to know that a part of your life, a part of your memories, is leaving. Like the footprints I have walking across the top of my xanga site, I'll always know that memories fade to make new ones. So life is all good, people have to do what they have to and there will always be new faces and different stories to hear. Everyone has to say goodbye at some point in their life. **Mark and Hui Ying are leaving too, but I plan on seeing them when they returns on their breaks. I hope everything is the same and we get along just like old times in orchestra, but then I think it might become this painful awkward silence that makes your heart heavier and your face freeze just knowing that part of you has died with time.

--> I know I talk about people leaving or going excessively, but I am really connected to them and I guess I just want to remember them. I've definitely learned how to deal with it by now,

Third issue is my cousin ((I think she really is crying out for help)). I'm so confused by her sometimes. I don't know what her intentions are; I don't know why she does all of this. It's really shameful and I am really disappointed in her but I love her regardless, you know?! I just don't understand it.  Does she mean to wreak havoc on our family?! I think she's trying to dishonor the family and it's really disturbing me and my family. I'm just confused about why she is giving up on herself so much and yes, I am going to talk about it because frankly, she likes this attention, she's almost asking for it. She has such talent and I know that if she really tried hard she could succeed. This is what has been happening to her since she reached the seventh grade: Kristen ((not my orchydorky friend, Kristin, please don't get them confused)), my cousin, shaved the back of her head leaving the top portion of her head with hair. <--not that this is a problem; people are allowed to look/dress in whatever fashion they would like, as long as it is not offensive. She and her boyfriend have been having ((safe **thank god**)) sex since she was 13 or 14 years old, however, she still managed to contract an STD. She has been drinking since she was 13 and doesn't do that well in school because of it. She had mono at age 14. She's tried all different kinds of drugs. Her father hates her for all the nasty stuff she says to him and the way she treats him. She's been fired from several non taskful jobs. She failed out of Community College. <--How do you do that?! Someone please tell me, I need to be able to laugh about some of this. She slits her wrists for no other reason than to piss of her parents, I know this because she always threatens to do it if she doesn't get what she wants. Her boyfriend abuses her and made her so depressed that she got an eating disorder.  She totaled her mom's car and bought a new one with her mom's money just to piss her mom off. Then, this is the best part, she got a DUI and was arrested, now she is waiting for arraignment so that she may serve jail time. I don't know what she's doing. Her brother is just fine, he does really well in school and he's an awesome athlete too and he doesn't cause any problems in my family.

I know that last paragraph was sort of an attack on all of the things my cousin has done wrong over the past few years. I dunno...maybe she's just jealous of her brother's success in everything and just wants attention. I really don't know. It's very confusing. I just want to hold her close and tell her that I will love her no matter what, but that's she's hurting me with the grief she causes. I want her to see that positive attention is a million times better than negative attention. I want her to be proud of herself, I want her to let life bring her opportunities to succeed, but most importantly, I want her to understand herself. I want her to know herself. Even though I don't know her all that well and I've only seen her five times in my whole life, but even so, I love her and I want her to appreciate life.

Okay, so my life for the last week.

Tennis season is starting soon....less than one week! Are you girls nervous?! I know I am. Practice makes perfect.

Violin: Hirono is in Japan for the next 5 weeks so I have a replacement teacher. I know, I know, I've already said this.

The *new* Bruch is going well though so I'm looking forward to playing it as my seating audition and maybe even the Concerto Competition.

I start working on the Rode concerto in my next lesson with the Mr. Beiler. I'm psyched for a lesson with him. He's so calm all the time and his students do stellar work. hmmm...All South Jersey this year...hmmm...should be fun, hahahahaha NOT.

I saw Ju on Tuesday which was really nice because I really missed him and wanted to hold him close to me. We played a little tennis and then had some really yummy dinner that his mommy made :) and then other stuff :)... LoL.

The whole webcam idea Ju had is pretty cool because I can see him everyday...really neat. I mean, I know I won't be able to kiss him and hold him close everyday but at least I can see how he's doing instead of just trying to imagine the look he has on his face or what he looks like. Everyday I fall more in love with him.

We had a really nice talk last night. I was trying my best to tell him all the different ways I love him. I'm so bad at sharing how I feel and what I'm thinking about sometimes, but I've always wanted to tell him things, like how I admire how smart he is and how he always tries his best, that he amazes me with all he knows about technology and other subjects, that he is so positive and confident, that he always seems interested, that I love how he cares enough to ask questions, and that he is always so nice.  **I'm just not sure I delivered that message as well as I could've last night. I really tried though, but as we all know, I can be a tad confusing to talk with. ((Ju, I made a huge list of all the things I love about you.**

Ju, I really believe you are the most wonderful person in the world and you deserve all the best things life can give you. You're my best friend and I'm so in love with you. Gosh, you make me sOo happy. I can't thank you enough for the smiles you bring to my face. ::kisses you::

 

SOo...tennis today. What the heck was up with that anyways?! This coach was there and he said that his student which he brought to the clinic, could beat Emily Buzzhart, ummmmm NO! What the heck was he thinking?! That's so messed up. I can't even believe that he would say that when he knows that definitely could never happen! Mitch had Elizabeth Alberto ((a very good player on my team ** 3rd singles** but definitely not as good as Emily **don't confuse this Liz with my 'lil sis,' Liz)) play his student. This guy's student lost to Elizabeth, ummm duh.  What was really frustrating was listening to all the excuses he came up with "She's only been studying with me for a few weeks" ((he also said that she has 5 lessons a week and that she had played with other coaches prior to himself)). "The points were really close, they were at deuce and ads a lot" ((NOT TRUE)). I thought it was just that coach, but NO...I was obviously wrong. The student kept saying things like "Oo I would've gotten that but I didn't realize that she was at net until the next shot,"((ummmmm DON'T THINK SO, how can ANYONE do that?!)) "I just came back from being injured" ((She said she had been playing year round and just discovered this amazing coach)). "I'm playing terribly today." "I've never played this bad in my whole life." I was surprised this one didn't come up "The reason I'm not doing well is that my coach keeps talking to me every half second." That would've made the most sense. That's what he was doing the entire time when Elizabeth was playing her. So then we got to play out points with her and she was TERRIBLE...She was like an average player, if not a little worse. Definitely not better than Emily, who is an exceptional player. That coach really was feeding her a crap load of lies...I don't understand it...does it make any sense to lie to your student?! I was hitting overheads and I was really hitting them well because they bounced in and then they bounced so high they went over the fence and they almost hit that coach on the head. Oo you know what else?! He was trying to coach me when I was playing and I'm like "no, you aren't trying to coach me when my coach is right there. Besides, after seeing your *amazing* student, why would I want to try anything you had to say?! He was just so rude I couldn't get over it. Really pissed me off.

I've got a lot of work to do for the rest of the summer so I'm going to stop wasting my time **this took me a good 20 minutes to write**

outz,

<3

Jessy

**editz** I'm going to try to edit more than once a week...maybe like twice or something.

 

 

 

editz** hmmmm more addictive editing in the works... sorry the last bit of that email was so confusing. I don't know what was making me so weird...haha. O wellz. That was quite amusingly funny to read after I wrote it. If I were not so lazy I would do a rewrite but then...I'm lazy and I am not going to do a rewrite.

Anyways my schedule is as follows: Orchy period 1 with the Mouse-y Gouse-y Accel English ((Brit Lit)) period 2 with Mr. Glading AP US History II period 3 with Dr. Burns ¿Math? I'm getting this one switched...I dunno what's up with it right now, they screwed it up cuz it's definitely not right. For those of you who CAN'T spell definitely<--there it is, LEARN IT! gosh lol, I don't want to see anymore d-e-f-i-n-a-t-e-l-y because...........IT'S WRONG!!! Liz knows that, right Liz?! Physical Education period 5 with Mr. Baker Concert Choir/Chamber Choir ((with Mommy Meyer, LoL!))/B Lunch with the Cafeteria Staff, hahaha need I say anything. Accel Chemistry period 6 with Mrs. "Betty" McMichael (( I wanted Dr. Sohn, :( but Mrs. McMichael requested that I be placed in her accel. chem class because I sang at her daughter's wedding!! ahhhhh, help me...I'd rather switch down to regular cuz I hear she's so scary!!!!!!)) with lab period Tuesday AP Environmental Science period 8 with Mr. Smith ((I LOVE this man, he is AWESOME!!! I'm so excited to learn more about migratory birds and such)) lab periods are monday and wednesday.

Other than all that, I talked to Mark Froehlich today!! AWWWW I miss him sOoOo much! He's going away to college this year and I think I'm going to cry. He took me to see my first Plays and Players Musical in Philly. Orchy every Saturday in Philly, damnn straight. We're gonna get together and play some tunes ((literally PLAY them)). We always teased him for hangin out with all the girls. teehehe.

O my. Kt--> GET IN MY ACCEL ENGLISH CLASS NOW!!! NO MORE 7th PERIOD!!! puhleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase!!

The most important message on here: Ju

 Ever wondered exactly what Bush would put on his Resume? Now Ya know! George W. Bush's RESUME > > > >GEORGE W. BUSH > >1600 Pennsylvania Avenue > >Washington, DC 20520 > > > > > >EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE: > > > >Law Enforcement: > > > >** I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving >under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and >had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. > > > >** My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available. > > > >Military: > > > >I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused >to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. >By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid >combat duty in Vietnam. > > > >College: > > > >I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a >cheerleader. > > > >PAST WORK EXPERIENCE: > > > >** I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the >oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. > > > >** I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. >The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. I >bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that >took land using taxpayer money. > > > >** With the help of my father and our friends in the oil >industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor >of Texas. > > > >ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS > > > >** I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil >companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. >During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most >smog-ridden city in America. > > > >** I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of >billions in borrowed money. > > > >** I set the record for the most executions by any governor in >American history. > > > >ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT: > > > >** I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with >a criminal record. > > > >** I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of >over one billion dollars per week. > > > >** I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. >Treasury. > > > >** I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. >history. > > > >** I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed >in any 12-month period. > > > >** I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month >period. > > > >** I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history >of the U.S. stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 >million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every >month. > > > >** I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of >any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," >Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her. > > > >** I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a >U.S. President. > > > >** I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving >the most corporate campaign donations. > > > * >** My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best >friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate >bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron. > > > >** My political party used Enron private jets and corporate >attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court >during my election decision. > > > >** I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against >investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent >investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent >investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history. > > > >** I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and >refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry >was revealed. I presided over the highest gasoline prices in >U.S. history. > > > >** I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be >awarded government contracts. > > > >** I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than >any President in U.S. history. > > > >** I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest >bureaucracy in the history of the United States government. > > > >** I've broken more international treaties than any President in >U.S. history. > > > >** I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United >Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission. > > > >** I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law. > > > >** I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. "prisoners of >war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva >Convention. > > > >** I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations >election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election). > > > >** I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of >any President since the advent of television. > > > >** I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any >one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I >presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history. > > > >** I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World >Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. >the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of >diplomacy in world history. > > > >** I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to >simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), >shattering the record for protests against any person in the >history of mankind. > > > >** I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support >a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families >-- in wartime. > > > >** I am the first President in history to have a majority of >Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to >world peace and security. > > > >** I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker >Buster," a WMD. > > > >** I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin >Laden to justice. > > > >RECORDS AND REFERENCES: > > > >** All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my >father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view. > > > >** All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and >my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for >public view. > > > >** All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my >Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are >sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. > > > > > >PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004. > >PLEASE SEND THIS TO EVERY VOTER YOU KNOW.

done editz**

okayz, lots to talk about.

Tennis...OMG, I love you tennis!! I think it's weird how I've suddenly got such an addiction to tennis again. Hmmm. I dunno but I can't stop playing...I just keep goin and goin and goin. I play soooo many hours. 6 hours each day...not including the fitness I do to get ready for it. O and btw, my overheads will kick your butt...hehe jpjp. But they definitely are getting a lot better this week. I love going to Dave Okun, he's AMAZING. O my, he seriously is. Gary, Mitch and that other lady are awesome too but me and Gary are real chill this week, haha. He's got my back though against this one kid.. know what I mean?! There was this kid there today from Pakistan and he is totally gender biased...what a shovenist pig. He told me he hated me for being a girl and that he didn't have any respect for me. I was like WTH, what did I do?! So anyways, I played him and I beat him. It was like 8-1 or 8-2. HAHA dayumm...he deserved it though. In any case, I look a lot trimmer now...not that it's a bad thing...just, my clothes are fitting a lot more loosely...hmmmm I like being muscle toned!! Yummyness.

AP work: what a monster! OMG I think Imma run off and shoot myself. Seriously, it is really bad. I hate that stupid sand book. I have to start writing entries about the annoyingness. O my. I don't think Imma last long enough to finish it. Ughy.

Violin:...mutes, very useful. Especially when you have to practice with a whole bunch of old people in the same house. But nevertheless, A# minor is looking muy bueno. heheh. jpjp. That scale took me forever and a half to play...it's still not PERFECT! but it's really close.

Politics: Kerry is beating Bush in the polls! Yes!! That really has to say something that the past four year's presidency. Kerry is beating Bush 49% to 44%. Apparently, Nader is still in the running. I'm sorry to all of you who are voting Bush, but all he has caused this country is pain and suffering and economic devastation. We are the ones footing the bill for this war, what is Bush going to do now. I mean, imagine if he sent your brother off to war....or your father. how would you feel? It's not right. Just try to picture someone calling your house to inform you of the loss of such an important person to you. I just wouldn't be able to function. I know that as my brother and I have gotten older, we've grown apart, but I couldn't stand it. I love him so much, you know?! It makes me so sad just to think that my brother could be lost for a cause so unworthy. In any case, I believe that Kerry is more economically and environmentally sound. I also believe that he has better plans for our future. I want to see some peace alliances made with other countries. I mean, the whole world practically hates us now. Something HAS to change. We have a slacker in office, we have to take him out. The thing that drives me absolutely bonkers is that he is completely abusing his power as the president of such a powerful country. We are NOT losing any of our patriotism having Kerry in office. Not mentioning that chosing Kerry would mean having a smarter man in office. Kerry was not the most priveleged man. I suggest you read up on Senator John Forbes Kerry (initials JFK). He attended Yale as well but did much better in terms of his studies. He went out to fight for the country as well and because he is against the war today people are calling him a flip-flopper. He is NOT a flip-flopper just because he saw what this country did to other countries in war and decided to go against it. Kurt Vonnegut once wrote that the only people to understand the brutality of war were those who fought in it. Did our president put his life on the line for his country? Has he put his life in danger?! He couldn't have, he can't possibly comprehend the losses this country has suffered. This war has given us the most deaths since Vietnam...hello?! time to get out of Iran! Stop the murder...stop killing everyone before it's too late. Stop destroying our environment. Stop getting other countries to hate us because of our environmental policies ((did you know that there are forums in Brazil that discuss how America is treating them so badly)). Stop enforcing your own ideas on the country...there is a reason for the separation of church and state--abortion is not for you to call the shots on, it should be up to the people if ANYTHING. Please, somebody, save me from this. I don't want to imagine my brother's name on a draft list. Please, I really am begging you here. Try to understand how much my family means to me, how much the environment means to me, how much peace means to me. I'm sorry to those of you who don't understand...I just needed to say this. It really has changed my life in so many ways. Laters.

Welcome back Ju!! I missed you so much. <3